忽然之間

忽然之間 天昏地暗
世界可能忽然什麼都沒有

我想起了你 再想到自己
我為什麼總在非常脆弱的時候懷念你

我明白 太放不開你的愛 太熟悉你的關懷
分不開 想你算是安慰還是悲哀
而現在 就算時針都停擺就算生命像塵埃
分不開 我們也許反而更相信愛

如果這天地 最終都榆囓
不想一路走來珍惜的回憶沒有你

good news!

Ting Ting is pregnant... Im gona be an Aunt soon.
And Im gona be an Aunt of TWINS!
I hope everything will turn out will... Its not easy bearing two babies at once..
Extra TLC needed

But everyone is really glad...
Dad will be looking down, protecting them and everyone..
He must given a gift to us... so we wont be sad...
Bring us an extra member to fill his space...

But i really wish he could be around to experience all this.... with us...

addicted

Im so loving this author now..
I have finished reading all.. now im on the last book of this vampire series. There are in total 4 books..

Breaking Dawn being the ending book for the series..
however i read somewhere there will be another one coming.. "Midnight Sun" i think..

In addition, the movie "Twilight" will be out in Nov/ Dec. Not in Singapore yet..
It better be showing here.. lol

“Does anybody really know when it’s right?
And how do you know – are there signs?

Fireworks?
Is it right when it feels comfortable or is comfortable a sign that there’s no fireworks?
Is hesitation a sign that it’s not right, or is it just a sign that you’re not ready?
In matters of love how do you know when it’s right?”

-Carrie Bradshaw

hiaz... sigh

Your horoscope for August 16, 2008:
Here is a day that might be a little rough for CAROL. It's as if reality were waiting to trip you up. Nothing about you is realistic. So if you're still a bit of a child or irresponsible today may be rather hard on you. It's nothing serious, so don't worry. However, if you feel as though your back is to the wall, don't react. Try to calmly accept what is happening to you...

Something must go wrong.. No matter wat i do
Trying hard to be good is tough..
Cos im just me, But being me may not work out the way they wan..

I need to care more about pple..
But im not.. im aloof, i must say..
Insensitive...maybe
But i nvr mean it..
maybe i just care too much for myself?
I dunno really...
it sucks..
____________________________________________

The weekend always ends so abruptly
It makes me feel sad to be going back to the office..
Working is ok.. not that bad..
But staying at home, doing my own stuff, with so much freedom is much more atttractive den sitting in the office with people around u.

sometimes i love to be alone... (above paragrapgh)
And sometimes i love the crowd.. (below)

I love the beach!
Im glad we made it to Sentosa yesterday. At least my off day had not gone to waste.
The sun, the sand and the sea.. with beautiful tanned people everywhere..
At least im geeting a workout playing volly..
too much time spent siting in the office is doing no good! =)

the working life...

Tonight i had my appraisal talk...
It went pretty well. I guess my performance met their standards BUt of cos there are more to improve.
Anyway im glad that is over.
Wasn't very nervous cos i didnt know it was coming that fast. I thought there will be some email or something..

But gotta motivate myself more...
Im getting the hang of things at work. Working for a newspaper is so much different from just deign house design.. so many factors to consider.
So little time to execute ideas.. its crazy
But im still slow.. But i guess after some time will be doing stuff faster

I gotta ask for help if time is running out.
Its weird if u think.... is asking for help equal to u being inefficient.
But if u dun ask.. its also not right.
Cant please everyone i guess!

I guess at work u hve to face many different pple.. getting so many opinions..
Its frustrating when they are eyeing on every thing u do.. especially mistakes
But anyway, life goes on... It wont kill me.. so breathe!

The olympics is the hottest event now... espically swimming!

he's famous!






Young! Rich now i guess... with the gold medals he got.. And beautiful body!
On top of that, he's really awesome in the water! I haven seen someone swim so fast. Turbo kicks! Cool!

Im gona carry on with my Stephenie Meyer's "bedtime story". Im addicted to the series.. On the 3rd book now, "Eclipse". I love vampire stories... something so not reality. Another world...

fed up.....

Its weird...
the person who u are with is supposed to understand you the most..
U are supposed to be happy to be together..
Why sometimes it gets so difficult

Sometimes its ur own self esteem that is destroying u..
U dun trust urself.. u dun trust ur partner..
u dun trust the r/ship..

I've done nothing to decieve...
I've done what every gf should do and even more

Why do i get shit just because i went to meet a good fren who's having some problems in life..

U aren't there when im feeling down..
I was ok.. cos im strong..
i dun depend on a guy for anything.. cos they cant be depend on..
SERIOUSLY!

So why get so worked up over me going out...
Say nasty things.. Which i thought im ok with
But the words keep ringing my ears now..

Saying Im self-centered...
and dun care about my family members
Dun say i dun care about my dad
what have i done to deserve ur nasty words..

Ive frens telling me to be happy and be myself
Dun change cos that will make u unhappy...
Im glad ive great pple who love me for who i am.

its not easy

Its been a month and 2 weeks since dad left...
Its the 1st time i decided to write something

I got worried because when i saw the picture we took during graduation... and i suddenly felt that he looks so unfamiliar. So different
Im worried im losing bits and pieces of what i can remember of him
And i dun wan that to ever happen
i feel so far away from him...

Somethings i got feelings i wana say.. but i cant express them out exactly how i feel
Nobody understands and i dun blame anyone

I have so much things i wana tell him.
I wana tell him about work, my new office, my boss and colleagues
I wana hear his advice on stuff...
I wana hear his voice again, his reply when i call him "papa..."

I know its wonderful that now he's not suffering.
He's well again, happy wherever he is now.. looking down at us
its easy to say but hard to accept the fact that he isnt around in my life..
The memories stopped the day he left..
What we have now were only the past..
There are still so many stuff we haven't have the time to do together...

i remembered, one day he said, " Come sit down here and chat with me..."
its the 1st time i heard him say something like that..
there were times i feel as a Dad, though he always wana be the pillar of support in the family, he does feel weak and helpless
But at times like that, i could feel the helplessness and sadness that he had to depend on us to look after when he was so weak he couldn't walk without our help

I know my mum will be feeling ten thousand worst than me, even though she nvr mention anything
I just hope she'll be strong

He was a very sweet dad
he nvr forgets my birthday. Without fail every year he will get a little gift for me.
The year he got retrenched, he was really down but he still bought me a white gold necklace with blue crystal on my birthday
That bday i cried.. i dunno why.. but i cried

Im glad he left peaceful in his sleep..
he was a strong man who endure the pain and torture

But the silly me, still wish i could see him walk in from the door, like before, like he nvr left

Sad.. will try to be happy

My dad don't seem to be doing well.
The pain i see him go through everyday, esp these few days when his tummy begins to hurt.
It's hurting so much that i have to give him morphine to stop the pain.

He's has been coping well with the stomach cancer since july last year.
He's really strong.
Imagine urself going to the hospital every other week, getting injected with chemicals u dunno will heal or harm u. Seeing nurses drawing blood from u. The jabs are so painful. I cant imagine my self doing it.
It was frightening.

He must be feeling very down now.
He told my my mum he felt useless due to the cancer.
I guess as the man of the house, u would hope to be the support of ur wife and children at all times. Now he's losing it to the disease.

Though my mum always nag about my dad, I know she's really worried.
She came to my room, and ask, " are u prepared for the worst. Ok anot? wont sad rite.."
Of cos i say it will be fine.

I just hope that my dad could be strong. And be happy now.
Im glad i did him proud by getting a good job.
He even put up my pic of the umbrella in his room. lol

Tired...

Had a new desktop today!
Yippee.. the monitor is huge and keyboard is new.
They changed it cos the RAM is higher, better for graphics.
Happy!

We will be moving to a new office in June.. But i kinda like the spacious, no walls concept now inside the straits times dept.
It's huge and u can see everyone.
Nothing to hide. i love that.
Will see how it turns out in June.



See that pic.. lol
Its in The Sunday Times.
I was a model for a few minutes for this pic.
In reality... i wasn't holding an umbrella but a tripod stand.
See! the power of photoshop..

Miss-Understood...

As always... no one understands me..
everyone things I'm immatured, spend money like nobody's business, party, go out and play.

WHatever i do is nvr right. F!
Im really fed-up and disappointed.

My bro sms in the morning to pay up my CPF study loan.
And contribute more to the family. At least i dun take money from them anymore.

Which i did.. I gave them money when i got my salary.
HE's always telling me to this and that. I know. I have plans but everone just thinks im spending all my salary away.
Which i'm not.

I just got my 1st pay. I just wana buy stuff which i need myself.
Im still gotta start buying insurance.
Im still starting to handle my finance.
Its not like im earning a fixed income for a yr or so.

My bf says i should not go out so late and spend money on cabs home and stuff.
I know! But its not like every day of the week im doing that.
he doesnt like me to go out late too much anyway.

I haven met my frens cos i wasnt working before, and have limited funds. Now with the pay at least i can catch up with a few close ones. Meeting my frens are the happiest time i ever have.

Whatever i do. Everyone thinks im selfish. No plans for the future.
Why is it when i wana do something for myself its always not right.

I dun wana cry but i cant control the tears.

Great weekend

Last week was a great week with frens!

Thursday:
Meet waihan, evon and zhong de for some ktv-ing.
Haven seen them seen i start work.

(bloody shit! my screen turned yellow!! My monitor is dying.....)

Anyway, Had a great time with them!
Somethings relationships among frens do change..
But frens will still be frens. Just hope everyone is happy that all we can hope for. =)

Friday:
A very eventful day!!!!

Joanne manges to know someone from Asiaon and got us into Singapore Fashion festival.
The show that day was " Sex-y in the City".
Male models were strutting the runaway with just underwear on!!!
Whee!!! Cool!! We chose the right show to go.. lol
I love Galiano's collection. Really different.. his style. Always expect something unique out of him.

Den we headed down to Raffles City for the MyPaper Executive Look contest.
Yip Ren Kai was the winner. Water-polo player. We called him the Speedo guy. lol

I like the gal, Kelly. She's really pretty and i love her way she speaks and protrayed herself . very confident. tho' she didnt get anything in the end. But i think she's a cool gal.

After the show Joanne and 1 had dinner at PRego. My 1st time there. Pretty ex. $25 for a carbonara. And i cant finish it. Too creamy, not to my liking.
I still prefer Pasta Cafe anytime! lol

After that we headed sown to Zouk. The straits time people were there. I dunno any of them only Sujin but anyway, its good to meet some new people, since im in the working world now.
More the merrier..

Saturday:
After such a long time, finally i can shop and indulge myself for awhile.
went shopping with Serene at far east.

Got 2 pairs of heels at Heatwave. One rounded pumps and one pointed, both black. Love them!
Got a skirt at BYSI for $39. there are really nice skirts there, all around 433-$39. Pretty reasonable, for the quality and the fabric used.
And i bought a top from The Box at Isetan for $15 discounted!! Before, it was $35.90.
lol I got a great bargain that day!

Something Different!!

Tmr MyPaper will be something special from the normal paper's front page.
We have something fun to work with today.
Ed and I came out with a design that incoporate the font page banner and poster together in one graphic.

We made use of a shopping bag as a whole graphic and pulled the banner and poster together as one alothugh thee are 2 Stories.
Its something special and a great idea.
Im really glad we came up with a concept that makes newspaper design more fun to play with.

Everyone was very happy with the graphic.
SO watch out for 2nd APril's MYPAPER!!!!

Pete said he will try to enter this graphic in to the Newscom Awards held at SPH. Hopefully we can win something!

Safe in a crazy world

Its been a busy but satisfying weekend.

Met maddy and kris at AMkHub.
Had dinner at Ichiban Sushi... yummy..
Den head to Neebo cafe.. (i think that's the name) beside the cinema.
Just slack.. talk
I like that!!! =)

I hope everyone will be happy!
Work is always stressful but we will survive!
Always be stubborn with the things u believe.









Today, went window shopping with ah ming. Bought 10 masks for $39.90 from face shop.
Cos my complexion is very bad lately.. need some TLC. hahaa
Went to play the basketball thingy at the arcade.
Its a dollar per game.. everything so ex nowadays.. shitty!
But its great to "fa xie" and tone ur arms.. lol

Headed down to the Padang for some media conference for F1.
Pete , Ed and i decided to make it there to gather some info for our infographics.
I didnt get much cos i can really hear and had a hard time understanding the italian english slang the designer is using. haha
But i like the sound of an italian speaking english accent.
Anyway its a great experience, seeing reporters and the media hovering over the guy with mics and video-recorder and voice recorders. Like what we always see on the TV.

I also managed to get pics of the Mclaren that will be featuring tmr.
We also manged to talk to the mechanics..
One of them was quite cute!!! sweet....








After that I headed down to Yio chu kang for ah Ming fren's child one yr bday.
saw ah guan and roy there.. And others but not really that close.. so dunno what to say.
Im not a person who can chat with pple i dunno.. i just dunno what to say.
I wonder how some pple can be so comforatble around strangers..
I wana be like that too.

Super tired liao.. yawn...

NAKED MAN IN THE OFFICE

Yes yes its true!!!

I was surfing the net when someone said, "Wah, naked man lei!"
I was like wat!!!!!!!!!??
I turned and saw an ang mah man with a toy snake around his neck, and wearing NOthing except a cloth tied like a g-string. (A rather thick G-string la).

Guess why he's here!! lol
He's actually the managing director of this company promoting a new drink.
Its a carbonated apple juice drink that uses 7 or 9 (i forgot) types of green apples.
It taste really refreshing.
His Marketing strategy behind is----Why advertising in the papers and waste money?
Just go straight to the press and promote it to the writers.
Dressed liked that, I'm sure its news-worthy! lol

Anyway he's dressed like that because he's trying to be ADAM, as in adam and eve.. and apple..
Get the link?
hahaha
He's damn funny.. With his 2 lady assistants.
Very daring i must say!
I dun think a singaporean will ever do that.

My name will be in MyPaper

yes it will be in the papers...
Tho' very tiny.. hahaha

its actually a graphic chart comparing the local universities' efforts in advertising for freshmen.
I spent the whole day on it.
When Pete ask me to put my byline at the end.. i was surprised..
Can i put my name? Cos normally we put the source of the info we got from.
But this time i gotta put my name! Yippee..

anyway.. this is a 3/4 page graphic.
I have to be working on bigger info graphics for next month's papers.
Maybe i shall be doing something on the F1 racing craze now..
But dunno where to start.

Unlike the writers and editors I'm not really a story person. Im not good woth words so i cant really contribute any stories..
But I'm gald to be able to do some infographics, illustrations that are more interesting visually, to tell a story.

Im off on thursday!

Pete is on leave from today till tuesday..
Ed and I were left on our own.
Pretty crazy but we managed.
Ed was really nice too, to offer me a new optical mouse.
Its with orange light! Cool

Felix, the boss is really patient. Im surprised he didnt get irritated when i was super blur at times. He doesn't hover over me to rush the work. Im glad for that!
Though he sounds angry but its he's normal tone of voice. so i guess he isn't.. lol i hope.
He guided me on the layout and stuff.

If u happen to read MyPaper, I did a page in the Money section.
Its a graphic showing US dollar notes dropping, falling down the page.
Its looks ok in the end when printed.. surprisingly! lol

Lets hope tmr will go back peacefully..
Dun throw us stuff we cant handle!

I got the urge to shop!!
wana buy pants, tops, dress, skirts for work and heels!

Yesterday I bought a dress at DANO for $23. On sale! At AMK hub.
Original price: $69.90!!
SO happy! lol

I DID MY 1ST CHART TODAY!

Today i did my 1st chart on MyPaper.
Its a chart on what pple buy online in Singapore and SEA.

The challenge of the job everyday is..........
U do not know what work u are gona get today.
There may be a chart, a map or watever!

And u slack til 3plus 4 til work starts coming in.
Its good and bad...
Cos u get super nervous when the job comes in late and u need to do some major stuff like maps and graphs.
Its not easy.

U really do get the adrenaline rush!
But i feel it pushes u to think fast, come up with concepts and ideas, get it done up on the PC and print it out for approval.
Im training to work like the bullet-train!

im really glad to be working with Pete and Ed.
Pete taught me alot within this short period.
I hope he doesn't leave so soon.
Ed is great! he's a great help when im in rush and in a total lost.

The subs, editors and layout guys are great too..
A relaxed, funny bunch of pple.
Im just glad to be in a great team.

Glad

Today was 2nd day at work..
Its weird working on a Sunday but it makes the working week seems shorter.
hehee

Today i spent the whole day doing the map of malaysia regarding the election.
Im slow cos i gettin the hang of designing again after few mths of not touching Illustrator.
But luckily, today wasn't that busy.
Im super glad the guys are straggling me to speed up.
They are giving me time to work my way thru i guess.
If not i'm gona be so stress.

But today i learnt...
After doing the long, hard way of designing, I realized there are short-cuts.
Mistakes are made.. But i have learnt to do the easy way the next time.
There are differents to get the same things done, more efficient.
And im learning them day by day.

Im grateful for them teaching me.

Lets Hope tmr will be a better day!!
Get things done faster.. And with quality.

New Job

I finally got a job.
Its at SPH as an Artist for MyPaper.
Its mainly doing info graphics and graphics for headlines.
Its a new experience especially at a place where your work can be seen the very next day.

Im glad im not the only new gal in the department.
There's also a writer, Dawn and a sub-editor, Joanne.
I'm really glad to have them with me.
They focus mainly on the copy and stories while i do the graphics.

The ST (straits times) office is huge. The whole SPH is huge. I have lost my way a few times. But im getting the hang of the place.
MyPaper dept sit within the ST office in a corner.
Its still a pretty young paper, so we gotta bear with it for a few months before we are shifted to a bigger area.

My art dept consists of me, Ed and Peter Williams.
Peter is formerly from ST but is now working under MyPaper as art editor.
He actually design the look and style of MyPaper. Impressive.
Ed just transfer from ST. He used to do the pagination of the paper but now does the same stuff as me.
Glad there's someone i could work with.

Now 3 of us are cramped into a 2-desk area space.
And Joanne is seated opposite me.
Cramp but cozy i guess.. lol

Its a new environment, new experience. Im actually pretty excited.
Im glad to be working.
I feel like there a goal in life. There's something i can work towards to.
Another stage in life is beginning.

Im working now, Im getting paid.
I've got debts to pay off, things to buy...
Ive gotta get some office clothes to wear to work everyday.

Im happy with the working hrs. 2-10pm from sundays to thurs.
I can sleep in late!!!!!!!!!
That's the best part!

Anyway, i hope everything goes well in this new job.
I hope i could be up to their standard.
All the best to me!

hmm....

Sometimes things just dun go they way we want.
Everyone's has the freedom to choose every route or action they take...
Nobody will be right or wrong..
There nvr will be any right or wrong.

As frens we give advice and hope everything turns out fine.
There's nothing more to do actually.

Gong xi Gong xi!!

Recent updates...

Birthday with the gals and a bear.. =)
Had dinner at Thai Express before heading down to party World bishan.
Its been a long time since i go ktv..




After Bday.. slept for an hour or so..
Den my bro's wedding..
All the bros came to my place at 6plus Am..

It was a hectic day... Driving around spore.
Den going down to the hotel to get makeup done.

I was the mC for the night.
Nvr rehearse.. only minutes before the wedding.
But im glad everything went well.
super nervous.. But i didnt "tee tee ta tee too..." haha

Grass on the other side

Humans..
nvr satisfied..

Choice A and B..
After choosing A.. u will regret why not B
U will always think of what outcome will it be if i have taken choice B.
Weird..
But true.

Think the best choice is...
go with the flow.
Be grateful for what u have.

Anyway.. gona take every opportunity that comes.
Dunno if it will turn out good.
Gotta face reality.

Wont die so eaily..
Still got lotsa things to face.

Suay...

Regarding the post below...
Its no longer valid.
I dunno why....
The interview went well. And they confirm my starting date to be on 28th jan.
But they called the next day again and said they dun need a temp anymore.
Should i cry or beat up someone!
Bloody hell... Like very fun sia.

Anyway... wat the hell
Its just a 3mths offer
Maybe its a sign that I look for a full FULL time job.

BUT>>>
Im going for an interview tmr at Yellowpages!!
Hopefully everything goes well. Nervous... I really hate interviews.
_____________________________________________

Last night something bad happened..
My mum was knocked down from behind by a boy riding a bicycle.
he was rushing forhis music class.

My mum was bang from her back and she fell flat down.
Her glasses was broken.. her eye got a little scratch.. but her teeth and gum tho' not bleeding is still hurting. Her upper lip is swollen.
She was alone when that happen.. and come back home.
She was suppose to be buying some stuff.

But clever Mum managed to find that boy at the music school near our house.
And ask for his parents.. But the teacher called up his house and realized that the boy's parents are in America. He's staying with ah gong ang his elder sis, only 9yrs old.
The boy is 7yrs old i guess. Th boy was crying. Guess he was scared too..

What to do... is a SUay accident.
My mum is just worried that the swelling wont heal by my bro's wedding.

I just everything bad will just disappear from my family...
Super suay lately!
Argh!

CNY soon... Must heng heng wor..

New Job

After complaining so much...
I got a job.
Its a 3 mths temp job tho' at The Body Shop.
The position is for Visual Merchandiser.
My duty is actually to make use of Indesign and Photoshop to do up their book for Autumm/Winter Collection.
So I have to get their stuff from Illustrator into Indesign..
Shouldn't be a problem.. Done that before

Feeling happy but also worried..
Happy cos of a new job.. Good pay..
Not that happy.. Cos its only 3mths, new job, new place, new pple.. give me the jitters
But overall still excited. Im gona tell myself im gona do a great job.

The experience could give me good feedback and hopefully get me a better job after 3 mths.

____________________________________________________

Dad went to the Doc's today.
didnt do any chemo.
Doc says to start again after CNY.
Anyway, after a change of medicine for the chemo, Dad's situation still remains the same.
Stable but the cancer is not showing any damn signs of clearing up.
I think he's feeling rather down now.

Its like... imagine urself being so helpless.. But u know something in ur body is going to bring u down one day. And u dunno when's that day..

He nvr tell me that... I just kinda feel it..

feeling lost..... super lost

Feeling like shit lately...
Doing nothing in life
I just need to complain..

Sent out several resumes but none reply..
There's one reply.. that says my work ain't what they are looking for.
what the hell am i supposed to do?
im wondering whether am i really able to get into the design industry.....
My works seems useless..

Guess i need to come up with more good works for my portfolio.
If not how am i gona face those big CD in the ad agency..
I dun even dare to give them a call to show my works.
Dun even think they wana see them anyway.

Im very pessimistic now..
Totally wasted.
I need some motivation to go on..
im not going to break down. =)

anything that doesnt kills me...
makes me stronger

Sick of life..........

Things aren't going well...
I cant get a job...
My mind is filled with negative thoughts...
Just feeling super unmotivated...
CRAP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!